Working out has been an obsession with me for some time. It probably happened after I ended up gaining weight over the course of a year. I began working out at home and did so almost nightly but found that although my body seemed to be gaining endurance I wasn't actually losing any weight. With help I finally ended up joining a gym. When you join they weigh you, measure you, etc. so they can then begin keeping track of your progress monthly. After my first month I lost virtually no weight yet had lost several inches all around. I guess you take things where you can get them, right? So that's where I am now. Two weeks into month two and pretty much still at the same weight. It can be a bit frustrating until something comes along and shows you just how awesome you really are.
I just got back from a four day trip to Napa Valley with my husband. We had the most amazing time and enjoyed every minute of each other's company. It was in Napa that I found out a thing or two about myself. One, a wine does exist that I don't mind drinking. Two, there are places in California that are still breathtaking and although inhabited by man still treated with great love and respect. And three, I am in great shape, scale be damned. It is this last point that I will be talking about.
On our third day in Napa my husband and I rented some mountain bikes to go riding through the valley where we would stop along the way for some wine tastings. We started around 11am happily peddling along the trails and hills stopping for a basket of strawberries here, and taste of wine there. We enjoyed our lunch at one of the wineries overlooking a vast orachard and listening to the birds sing. Just as content as can be. The whole day went much the same. Peddling, wine tasting, peddling, photo ops, peddling, shopping, etc. My husband asked when I wanted to turn around and I said we should go until we reach the last winery on our map then head back. And that's exactly what we did. There were some large hills along the way. Our very first one kicked my ass, excuse my language, causing me to get off the blasted bike and walk it up the hill like a namby pamby. So when we reached our next one I was determined to get over the horrid thing without copping out. My husband was ahead of me and didn't seem to have gotten enough momentum as he began going up so I saw him getting off his bike to walk it just as I did previously. I saw all this before passing him with a determined look on my face and sweat coming out of me. I continued to peddle while staring straight down at my legs as if willing them to keep going until I could no longer feel myself at an incline. That was when I pulled to the side and waiting for my dear husband who only moments ago I was more than happy to leave in my dust. He graciously forgave me for leaving him behind after laughing at my desire to "beat" the hill. And with a high five we were on our way.
Most of the ride was an easy trek but there were difficult places where I could have either walked it, which I don't think anyone would have faulted me for, or peddled through it. And although my legs burned, I sweated and my breathing was hard I chose to push though it. And in the end I was given the most amazing gift of knowing that I rode over 20 miles that day. Me, someone who has ridden their own bike all of once in the past year. Me, who seems to think the weight on the scale is a sign of the shape that I am in. And the same me who by the last mile wanted desperately to get off the butt numbing bicycle seat and walk back to the damn hotel but didn't just so I could show myself that I wasn't a quitter. I did all that. And I was proud of myself.
We all have moments where we forget just how wonderful we are. How unique in our own biology we are already made to be. Some of us, like myself, forget that for much longer than a moment. I do not have the same body I did as a teenager. That does not mean that I have given up on wanting that, vanity always was a vice of mine, but that also doesn't mean that I have to dislike who I am now. This is the body that has allowed me to bear two children. This is the body that takes me to the gym six days a week before anyone in the house is even awake. And this is the body that rode over 20 miles of beautiful landscape and gladly called it a vacation. So although my goal may be to look a certain way I will try and learn to be happy and thankful for who I am now.
My "getting there" is this...I may not yet look how I want to look and I may not always remember to love myself along the way, but thanks to a mountain bike and an adoring husband, I am getting there.
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