Two Halves/One Whole

I am not a religious person. I am a spritual person. I know that there are people who find this to be a
wishy-washy way of saying that I believe in something but don't know what it is. That is not the case with me. I know exactly what I believe in and have never wavered from that but I also find that organized religion is not for me. I am not the "follower" type. I do acknowledge the fact that there are people who have spent their life studying their religion and dedicating themselves to those beliefs in order to share that knowledge with others. Pastors, Priestesses, Monks, etc. their faith is a way of life and I respect that. That is why I attend worship services of one kind or another during the week. I believe that these people may be able to shed some light on what it means to be a better person.

I know, how can I claim to not be a follower yet attend prayer services. I have an even better question for you...how can I comfortably attend a Sunday service at the local church yet also feel at home at a worship service for those of a less mainstream faith? I know I may seem vague but it is in my experience that the world does not take too kindly to those that seem different. My spiritual views are "different" so bear with me as I attempt to get my point across without somehow offending someone.

I was raised Catholic. I never agreed with it but it was part of my parents Sacraments to raise me as such and they did. Once I completed Confirmation I was done with the church. The church took several years of my life and regardless of what I believe the religion was so instilled in me that I ended up having both of my children Baptised out of respect for my parents. I also find myself seated in a pew, alone, every Sunday morning listening to the Pastors sermon while my girls are in Sunday school. I do not ask that my husband go as I know he would not want to. I am completely content absorbing what the Pastor has to teach me and find it is always relevant to my life.

As I grew older I began to realize that I had a more polytheistic point of view. That is what has stuck with me after all these years which is why I find myself seated in a worship circle most Wednesdays giving my thanks and prayers to a different higher power. During these lessons I listen closely to what the Priestess has to say and find that, once again, it all relates to my life.

As I am not the center of the universe I realize that these are not lessons solely for me but life lessons each of us needs to learn. How to be humble, how to love one's self, how to be brave, and so on. They are things that I am hoping to make a part of my self so I can one day become the woman I hope to be.

It may seem strange. Maybe it doesn't. I don't know. What I do know is that I am a product of my parents and of my own experiences. So all those years I spent in turmoil (I'll save that for another day) was because of my desire to seperate who I wanted to be and who I already was. Once the wisdom of age crept upon me I began to see that in order to be whole I needed to make amends with these two halves I created. So here I am willing to listen and to learn as we all should be.

Don't take this blog as a request for you to find a faith. Take it as a request to find yourself. If you already have then kudos for you, you are a lucky person. If you have not then I recommend you begin today as there is no guarantee for a tomorrow. By tomorrow I hope to be slightly more at peace with myself then I am today. I may not have found that zen place but, drum roll please, I am getting there.