I know we have all heard that opposites attract. What I have never thought about was why. I can't say I would have given it much though until it was recently discussed at a service I attended.
The idea was that we all have "holes" in us. When we come across someone who has their own "holes" yet can fill ours, and vice versa, we are drawn to that person. They help make us feel complete. But what happens as time wears on and we find that we can fill the void ourselves? We are no longer dependant on the other person to fulfill us. If our partner does not fulfill their void as quickly as we do we become annoyed, intolerant, and realize that we have grown apart from that person. Not so much from anything the other person did but because of what they didn't do. They didn't grow up. They didn't change.
Being a married woman I understood this in some sense. My husband and I are far from opposite. We are different enough to keep each other interested and guessing but smilar enough to enjoy so many of the same things. But that was not always the case in every relationship I had. What really came to mind when this whole idea of "opposites" and "voids" came up were two dear friends I had ages ago.
When I was younger I had two best friends. I couldn't explain the closeness of the relationship for anything in the world. It was like being involved with someone. Or two someones as the case was. We were always together and so connected that the idea of one of us automatically brought up the idea of the other two. This kind of relationship was all fine and well through high school but once school was over what happens to many friendships happened to us. We fell apart. Who's to say why or when but it did and I was devestated from it. I felt empty, lonely, like I had a hole in my heart. And that feeling lasted for years. With time and age the hurt healed but not until I realized that I became a very quiet and introverted human being. I was less trusting, less affectionate, and had less of a desire to be friends with anyone. I had short lived friendships with people and dated men who were clearly not right for me. It was good times (insert sarcasm).
Being introverted I can honestly say that I know my faults and work on them regularly. That's just part of being in your own head so often. So I knew who I wanted to be the question was how long was it going to take to get there. Over the next six years after high school I went through the anger of feeling abandoned, the sadness, then the acceptance. And when time somehow managed to bring me into contact with them again I realized that the loss I had mourned for so long was no longer necessary. We three were no longer who we once were. How could we be with so much time passing between us? And I no longer felt so betrayed. I realized that our time together had run its course and that we got the best we could out of one another at a time when we needed each other most. And I will always be thankful for that. So where did that epiphany leave me?
About five or six years out of high school I met my husband. At the time when he met me I was a lot more secure with who I was and what I wanted. I can probably thank my experience with my old friends for that. I no longer needed the holes I had in me filled by anyone. I was content on filling myself up with all the goodness I could find. Even if it was, at times, hard to come by. So I wasn't looking for an oppostite to fulfill me or someone who needed me for the same. I had found someone I complimented. And maybe that's the lesson to take away from those excruciatingly bad times we have in life. That there are things that will happen to us and they can either break us or we can learn to bend to them. To give in a little and accept the things we are given, good or bad. When I say bend I do not mean to let the world walk all over you but to allow yourself to be more flexible so that when lifes problems are done running you over you can pick yourself back up again. You'll be the straight and intact branch you were to begin with. A branch in the wind, that's what we all should be. I was not a branch. I fought with every ounce of me to keep what I thought I had. I broke. But people can mend and I did. We all can.
I am now a woman who tries to socialize more. Someone who tries not to groan when her husband asks if she wants to go have drinks with a co-worker of his. A woman who asks her own co-worker to chat over dinner. I still feel more secure with my head in a book and will always be more comfortable spending the night in with my family but now it feels like it's more of a choice than an attempt to hide. So yes, opposites may attract, but thankfully I didn't attract my opposite. I attracted my equal.
In this case ladies and gentleman, I got there.
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